Jealousy is natural

Jealousy is a natural feeling in any romantic relationship and shouldn’t be hidden away. However, jealousy isn’t just jealousy. It is a feeling that together, in a safe space, we can work to minimise. It is often the case that where our confidence and trust in our partner increases, our feelings of jealousy decrease. A little jealousy is completely normal in any relationship, but if it goes unchecked, it can grow and become destructive. Therefore, working on trust is the most effective cure for jealousy. Identifying what exactly causes the distrust in the relationship can be a longer process. It requires honest and open communication, but it is a process that brings you closer to each other and strengthens the relationship. When we work on our self-esteem and self-worth in other areas of our lives, jealousy tends to decrease. Even in the most well-functioning relationship, a little jealousy can exist, but it need not be threatening once you have the tools to deal with it.

Trust and Honesty

How do we ensure that an open relationship thrives? Most people in open/poly relationships would agree that the statement “out of sight, out of mind” does not work. Our imaginations are often busy working on filling in the holes with all kinds of unhelpful imaginings unless we talk about what is going on. What we imagine is going on is often much less scary than the reality. That is why working on an open relationship is an ongoing process to create honesty between you and transparency in the relationship. Choosing honesty and transparency is a choice that can initially feel painful and far too confrontational. However, it can be deeply rewarding for the relationship in the long run, even it takes some time to arrive at that point.

Where do you start?

Do you share the same dreams? And where do you start? Do you just jump straight into the deep end or do you ease yourself into it with small, gradual steps? Where do you find partners (if you have not found one already)? Should you perhaps start by sharing each other instead of going to your own separate partners? Starting with a dialogue about one’s desires, and the practicalities and logistics of achieving those, is the best starting point for creating a strong foundation.